A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
Carl Reiner
Archive for December 2007
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Herbert Hoover
When Taggart and Jo are shooting the sensor cams Taggart walks up to the cam and shoots it with pink paint. He was using yellow. So unless Taggart and Jo switched guns JUST prior to when they started shooting – the wrong color paint hit the sensor cam, it should have been yellow.
When Spencer, Henry, Carter & Zoe are in the town hall and Spencer is going to demonstrate his little speaker, Henry reacts before everyone else. To be nice, it’s because Henry knows what’s coming. To be naughty, Joe Morton reacts too soon. Let’s be nice.
Also, Spencer uses records? Not CD’s, not tapes, Records. When Carter asks Spencer to play something romantic, Spencer picks up a record.
SARAH: What about vacation homes?
Sheriff Jack Carter: It was a fantasy. A really good fantasy.
Dr. Henry Deacon: Yeah.
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Sheriff Jack Carter [to Stark]: Did you tuck my sheets in real tight?
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Sheriff Jack Carter: This house has a force field?
Dr. Henry Deacon: Well, technically there’s no such thing. It’s a monofilament electrified mesh which forms a near invisible barrier.
Jack: And how’s that not a force field?
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Sheriff Jack Carter: God, I wish Lupo were here.
Dr. Henry Deacon: [Speaking of SARAH] That’s it. We’ll just blow her up.
Jack: [Speaking of Jo] She’s not here.
Stark pushes Carter beer out of his reach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheriff Jack Carter: In a town full of super geniuses, why is it that the pizza guy’s the only one with the presence of mind to walk out the door?
Dr. Henry Deacon: Wagner again.
Sheriff Jack Carter: I don’t know. I get all the conductors confused.
Henry: Composers.
Jack: I rest my case.
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Dr. Douglas Fargo: Biopharmacology is just a fancy word for gardener.
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Dr. Seth Osbourne: Oooops. My bad.
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Sheriff Jack Carter: If I have to come back I’m bringing a stun gun and a weed wacker. You got it?
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Dr. Allison Blake: Don’t the two of you ever get tired of bickering?
Sheriff Jack Carter and Dr. Nathan Stark [in unison]: Not Really. No.
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Sheriff Jack Carter: No, I mean… Yes, I mean you lok good, yeah, but… We’ve gotta stay on topic here.
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Dr. Nathan Stark: Am I supposed to ignore that Mayberry’s hitting on my wife?
Sheriff Jack Carter: You do realize I’m standing right here.
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Deputy Jo Lupo: You are no fun.
Sheriff Jack Carter: You know what would be fun?
Jo: Ice-skating.
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Sheriff Jack Carter: People seem to be under the influence, doing whatever the hell they want. Like they’re drunk.
Dr. Henry Deacon: Some of us are.
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Sheriff Jack Carter: Taggart? You’re naked.
Dr. Jim Taggart: Au naturel.
Jack: May I ask why?
Taggart: Why not?
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Sheriff Jack Carter: I mean, what makes us different?
Zoe Carter: We’re from L.A.
Sheriff Jack Carter: Unless you want roast your chestnuts, back off.
Dr. Jim Taggart: You wouldn’t dare.
Jack: Try me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheriff Jack Carter: Of course, it’s incredibly dangerous.
Dr. Allison Carter: Have you ever know anything to change the world that wasn’t.
Jack: Velcro.
Dr. Jim Taggart: No, I said, “I can’t fix it,” but my little friends can.
Sheriff Jack Carter: You’ve made friends with sand now?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Jim Taggart: I’ve got you now my furry friend. All the years you’ve tormented me, mocked me. But look who’s laughing now.
Lowjack: [Licks Taggart’s face.]
Taggart: All right. Truce then. But just ’til you’re up and about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Jim Taggart: I don’t know how to say this.
Sheriff Jack Carter: It’s not working.
Taggart: That’s how.
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Sheriff Jack Carter: There will never be enough showers for me to feel clean again.
Sheriff Jack Carter [to Dr. Henry Deacon who is hovering by a traffic signal]: Hey, George Jetson! How’s it going?
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Dr. Henry Deacon [to Jack who is doing traffic cop duty]: Hey, Stop & Slow! All Set!
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Zoe Carter: Apparently I have issues with authority and listening and… I don’t know. Other stuff. I wasn’t really paying attention.
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Zoe Carter [slurping the end of a milkshake]: Hit me.
Vincent: I’m cutting you off. I think three’s your limit.
Zoe: I don’t pay you to think. I pay you to pour.
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Dr. Nathan Stark: I didn’t bring him here.. I built him here. Callister’s AI.
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Deputy Jo Lupo: It’s just my luck, right? all the good ones are either gay, married or robots.
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Dr. Nathan Stark: Remember what Alan Turning said?
Callister Raynes: He figured God could give a computer a soul if he wanted to. Do you think that’s true?
Nathan: I know it is.
Dr. Nathan Stark: You comfortable, Fargo? Can I offer you a beverage?
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Dr. Nathan Stark: Competition breeds excellence. It brings out the best in us.
Dr. Douglas Fargo: Yeah, tell that to Nancy Kerrigan.
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Sheriff Jack Carter [about Stark]: Yeah well, I say, “Screw him.”
Deputy Jo Lupo: Well, he’s probably saying the same thing about you, only in Latin.
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Zoe Carter: Good God, it’s Nerd-vana.
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Dr. Jim Taggart: The large stride, trail of destruction, extended footprint…
Sheriff Jack Carter: Tell me you don’t mean Bigfoot?
Taggart: I mean Gigantopithecus Americanus.
Jack: Let’s give him a sobriety test.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheriff Jack Carter: Hey, Jo, do you have a knife?
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Sheriff Jack Carter: Henry, what are you doing?
Dr. Henry Deacon: Working on a hunch. [he walks over to where the test dummy head is] A hypothesis on how our guy died and it wasn’t any Bigfoot.
Jack: Yeah, wel,l tell me something I don’t know?
Henry: Okay. He tripped.
Jack: He tripped and was hit by the car?
Henry: No. He hit the car!
Jack: What was he going like 500 miles an hour.
Henry: 599 miles an hour and he glanced off it, which would explain why the car spun out instead of being smashed on impact.
Jack: Yeah, I think I like the Bigfoot theory again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Allison Blake: So, I thought you were mad at me.
Sheriff Jack Carter: If I was, would I be taking you out to lunch?
Allison: Here? [referring to Global Dynmics cafeteria]
Jack: Well, maybe I’m a little mad at you, yeah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheriff Jack Carter: Look for someone eating a massive amount of food.
Dr. Allison Blake: So we’re looking for someon who’s hungry?
Jack: Yeah.
Allison: In a cafeteria, at lunch?
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Sheriff Jack Carter: These guys are eating way too much.
Dr. Nathan Stark: Your damning evidence is a health appetite?
Jack: Well, when you put like that, it just sound’s dumb.
Nathan: I know. Look, Sheriff, I’m going to need something a little more conclusive than the munchies.
[Fargo blasts through at mach 5]
Jack: That more what you had in mind?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheriff Jack Carter: All right. I’m just gonna be in the next room. I have a gun. You know that, right?
Zoe Carter: Dad!
Jack: It’s loaded.
Zoe: Leave!
Jack: I’m just saying.
Zoe: Now!
Jack: I’m a pretty good shot.
Where facts are few, experts are many.
Donald R. Gannon