“Zahi Hawass doesn’t know anything about the living. He only concentrate on the dead.” Dr. Zahi Hawass on himself.
Archive for July 2010
Abby Sciuto: The fuel line to the gas tank cap was ruptured here. Torn by a loose belt on the differential housing.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibb: Loosened how
Abby: Unknown. The van also had a short in the electrical system. Coincidentally in the taillight right by our ruptured fuel line.
Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.
Abby: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs. So one would wonder… accident or not an accident? That is the question. Our first player… an innocent differential housing bolt that is rubbing and straining on the molecular bonds of our vulcanized fuel line. Until, after eons, our hapless hose finally ruptures. The gas moves quickly into the floorboard of the van when it’s in motion. The driver smells it… what could it be? He hits the brakes, and the short in the taillight ignites the pooling gas vapors! The flames quickly super-heat the onboard oh-two and when the canisters can no longer contain the growing pressure… KABOOM!
Gibbs: Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.
Abby Sciuto: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.
Abby Sciuto: Know what bugs me most, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: People who say they’re vegetarians but eat chicken.
Abby Sciuto: It’s more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Special Agent Timothy McGee]
Abby: Well, have you ever eaten just one pistachio?
Abby Sciuto: This guy had huge feet. You could wear this sock as a leg warmer.
Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard: What are you implying, Abby?
Abby: I’m not implying anything. But you know what they say about guys with big hands and big feet, right?
Ducky: What?
Abby: They’re clowns.
Abby Sciuto: Good morning, Men.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hi.
Abby: Reporting for duty as ordered, Sir!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wrong hand, Abs.
Abby: [switches hands] Sorry, Sir.
Gibbs: The call came in from a woman claiming she was abducted. Abby, I need an acoustical analysis of a tape.
Abby: Permission to speak freely, Sir.
Gibbs: You always speak freely, Abs.
Abby: I know. I just always wanted to say that. So where’s my tape?
Gibbs: On the way to your lab.
Abby: So am I. If I finish quickly, maybe I can get back to Habitat for Humanity. I’m doing a bunch of wiring for them this weekend.
Gibbs: We’ll see, Abby.
Abby: Thank you, Sir.
Gibbs: Don’t call me Sir.
Abby: Thank you, Ma’am. [Abby leaves, Gibbs smiles]
[as Gibbs] Abby Sciuto: How long, Abby?
[as herself] Abby: Well it’s gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn’t smell very good, I don’t think laundry was a priority…
[as Gibbs] Abby: Abs!
[as herself] Abby: Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you’ll know something.
[as Gibbs] Abby: You got one! Anything else?
[as herself] Abby: Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you. [hands Gibbs a coffee] Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Abby: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands.
[as Gibbs] Abby: Just give me their names, Abs, and I’ll break ’em for you!
[as herself] Abby: I know you will, Gibbs. And that is why I love you.
[Gibbs gives her a kiss on the cheek]
I am by no means a food snob. I don’t like tomatoes, ketchup and spaghetti sauce are fine because the tomatoes aren’t whole – it’s a texture thing. But what I don’t like is fast food cheese! American cheese is supposed to be a pale, pale yellow boarding on white, not orange.
I love Whoppers. Love ’em. My Beloved David doesn’t. So we really don’t eat at Burger King often. A couple of days back I had to have a whopper. (insert jingle here – hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us). Whopper, no cheese, no onions, no tomatoes. That’s what the receipt said. And the burger was 20 or 40 cents cheaper than David with cheese. So out of the bag come the burgers. The first one was wrapped cheese wrapper out – must be David’s. Next burger was identical. Even though the order said no cheese, we weren’t charged for cheese, the burger still had that yucky orange goo on it!
Don’t get me wrong. I like cheeseburgers. Jitter’s in West Chester makes a mean, delicious cheeseburger. But they use real cheese. Real american pale, pale yellow cheese. Not the orange nonpasteurized, homogenized, hydrolyzed cheese whiz (NHHCW) that’s been formed into a square!
And it turns out this problem is rampant. I posted a rant on FaceBook my problem and I was not the only one who a) doesn’t like the NHHCW on their burgers and b) can’t seem to order a burger and not get NHHCW. And it’s not just Burger King. Wendy’s and McDonald’s both have the love of NHHCW. Taco Bell is another story. If they use NHHCW, they shred it enough to not be noticeable. And their cheese doesn’t seem to melt in your hands the way the other places’ NHHCW does.
And the more I think about it, I blame the management.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s my humble opinion that anyone who is working at ANY job, be it a CEO or a guy pushing a broom is, is at least trying. There is nothing wrong with being a fast food worker. And I understand how hard it is to motivate people to work – especially in a low paying job such as the fast food industry. Unfortunately it’s seem that the workers are just so pre-programmed to put NHHCW on every burger that goes before them that they can’t help themselves.
So what’s a NHHCW hater to do? A dance? Who really wants to make a fool out of themselves in public like that? Although it might get me my 15 minutes of fame and help along the way to a NHHCW free burger. A song? (re-insert jingle, hold the pickles, hold the lettuce…) Maybe we need to rerun that set of commercials. It’s been a long time. Maybe we need a new one. Or I guess what I’m going to have to do is have the people at the fast food place just check before they hand me my burger (that way it can be sold to someone else and not wasted). And if it has NHHCW on it, ask them to redo it.
Please no NHHCW.
Pete Lattimer: ‘kay, so while were dodging tomatoes what are you gonna do?
Arthur (Artie) Nielsen: SIS: Salinger Inventory Scan. If an artifact is AWOL the SIS will ID it.
Pete: Salinger like the author?
Claudia Donovan: RTFM, dude.
Pete: RTFM? Oh, Read The (head bob) Manual. I like that.
Claudia & Myka Bering: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Haaa Haaa!