Jeremy Clarkson: The weak point of the modern car is the squidgy organic bit behind the wheel.

Richard Hammond’s opinion of the Morris Marina from Series 13, Episode 5 (110th episode).

“I’ll guarantee that nothing exciting, vibrant, dynamic, new, creative, hopeful, or beneficial in any way to humanity has ever been done, thought of, or driven to in that drab, dreary, entirely beige willfully awful pile of misery”.

From Richard Hammond’s lastest article on … hands-on engineering

“My mate Hadrian, an engineer, came over with all the required kit for the operation, including the new lump of chassis. His stated intention was to pull up a chair and work his way through a giant sack of popcorn while I provided the entertainment by burning the workshop to the ground and blinding myself as I learned how to weld. Good plan.”

Read the whole thing at: http://www.topgear.com/uk/richard-hammond/richard-hammond-top-gear-magazine-column-2012-03-27

Series 14 Episode 6 (118 show) original air date 12-27-09.
The Bolivia Special

Richard Hammond: We’re close to the equator.
Jeremy Clarkson: We’re very close to it. Perhaps we’re on it.
Richard: No we can’t be. We’d see it … a big dotted line.

About 2 months ago, my girlfriend started reading Richard Hammond’s On the Edge.  She kept reading bits to me until I could take it no more – about 10 minutes – and went off an bought my own copy. Needless to say it took me awhile to crack the spine (figuratively… I like to keep my books as pristine as possible) even though she kept quoting bits to me. And then I read a bit, and then a little bit more not getting very far. So a couple of days ago I bought the audio version, only after checking to make sure the voice on the other end of the earphones was Richard.  Unfortunately it is an abridged version.  I have 2 problems with abridged version.  1) Bits are missing. and 2) if the author had wanted those bits missing he (or she) wouldn’t have written them in the first place.  How do they know what I will think is important? So basically I get annoyed.  And having read the 1st couple of chapters, I could see out what was missing right off the bat. Oh well.

Ok, not really Richard Hammond.  Richard Hammond’s book On the Edge: My Story.  And it really wasn’t a sound sleep, it was more like a doze and I was woken up when the book knocked me in the face.  Thank God it was a paperback. So obviously I haven’t gotten very far, page 6 or so.   Here is the publisher’s description…

From EA: Your favorite lighthearted Sims universe is going old-school – back to the times of castles, kings, jesters and knights! Control your Sims and decide their fates in this new fantasy. From serf and squire to Lady and Lord, role-play and immerse yourself in a dramatic, story-driven adventure. Create your hero and determine your Sim’s destiny – the possibilities are endless. Long Live The Sims!

 Ok.  On a Top Gear theme.  My girlfriend alerted me to Richard Hammond’s lastest mastery of the english language.

 Richard Hammond on: sport buttons

Here are 2 quotes from it.

 ”And then, like an alarm clock strapped to a stick of dynamite, the rev-counter’s needle ticked up to 7,500rpm, and all hell was let loose. Suddenly, my eyes made a dive for my neck, my stomach and lungs were straining to escape backwards out of my riding jeans, and the scenery to either side went all stretchy and thin. ”

And

I’m not really a car person. I love my Nissan Xterra. I loved my Volvo 240GL. That car never left me stranded anywhere I wasn’t safe. Ever. Same with my X – even when we hit a deer, she got me off the road and safe I even loved my Pontiac T-1000 – which was a Chevette by another name. I was never fond of that white Mitsubishi thing I had. As you can tell because I can’t even remember what it was. I’m enjoying my 1st ever sports car – a little red Mazda MX5 (aka the Miata). We’ve taken to calling the Miata the Frog because it has the headlights that pop up giving it a distinctly frog like appearance. And yes, it is a manual. An automatic sports car, even to me, is just wrong on too many levels. And one of these days I’m going to get me a Mustang. That’s what I’ve wanted since the late ’80′s. That’s the kind that uses petrol, not hay.

A couple of years back a couple of guys ran a fantasy football league from the office across the hall. When they were having problems getting enough players I said I would love to join. They recruited the one guys aunt instead and then complained all season about her not wanting to play. To quote the old knight in Raider’s “he chose poorly.” And of course I mentioned that too.