Another one of those… I got it in an e-mail and I don’t know where it came from, would love to give the right credit or right link….
This is another one of those that I got in an e-mail. I don’t know the origin, but would love to give the correct credit.
I got this e-mail a long time ago. Since we’ve had our own Possum Adventures, it makes me laugh … a lot. I can just see this happening. And I laugh some more. I have no idea who wrote it – I’d love to give them credit or, delete the post and link to the correct authors website. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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Now, I live in the woods and, by definition, I’m surrounded by trees. Yet, for some unknown reason, the only lumber yard within 100 miles of my house is located in the industrial district of downtown Newport News. My wife, Helga, also being a person of rural descent, is very apprehensive about the inner city. Understandably, she insists that I make my journey during periods of extreme daylight. So, one morning early last month, I set off on my most recent expedition.
For those of you who have never had the good fortune of visiting Waterfront Lumber, it is a vast stockpile of extraordinary wood. The sheds are jammed with seasoned lumber of every variety and I’m always surprised at what I find. Being a regular customer, I parked the station wagon in front of the oak shed and made my way to the front office. A quick nod to the manager, and a young apprentice was sent to help me load and tally the booty.
As I said, the contents of the wood barn never fail to surprise me…
The young boy slid back the shed door to reveal the much anticipated stack of rough oak. Of course, what neither of us had expected to find was the enormous, furry, bug-eyed possum that was sitting like a cherry on top. I turned to the apprentice, hoping to comment on our circumstances, but found nothing but a dropped tape measure and a dust trail.
Now, where I come from possums are a regular and equally unwelcome occurrence. In fact, the last one that dared to encroach on Helga’s territory was batted over the back fence with a broom stick. She takes no prisoners. Unfortunately, she wasn’t with me and most of my dealings with possums had transpired through a windshield. I decided to follow the boy’s lead.
Upon arriving back at the office, I caught my breath while the young man painted a disturbingly accurate picture of the beast… describing him as a ‘greazy, red-eyed fiend’. I nodded in concurrence… he was greazzzy. The yard foreman, a renowned naturalist, set his jaw and delved into the closet looking for the right tool for the job… something heavy. He emerged with a broom. I should have known, this was the expert’s tool of choice.
We promptly departed the office and marched lock-step to the frontlines, emptying a 50 gallon drum of rainwater along the way. In a raspy whisper, the foreman began to reveal his plan of attack. He would throw open the shed and give the animal a good shove, whereupon one of us would catch it in the drum where it could be ‘disposed of’ at our leisure. Needless to say, no one was volunteering for the second part.
As it happens, though, when we rounded the corner it became clear that we would be spared this trial. Elvis had left the building. He was now, instead, sitting comfortably in the front seat of my wife’s station wagon. I resolved that Helga must never know about this as I watched the ‘greazy-eyed fiend’ glare at me over the steering wheel. As they say, the ‘great circle of life’ was now complete.
I took the broom stick and moved forward, intent on putting mankind back in the driver’s seat. The foreman grabbed the drum and moved to the passenger’s side door. We threw the doors open in unison and with one tremendous thrust, I lunged at the beast. It was in that precise moment that I realized the flaw in our planning. This was no ordinary animal. He was a city possum: streetwise and crafty. He latched on to the broom and quickly reinforced his grip by wrapping a prehensile tail around the broomstick. I jumped back with the broom (and the possum) in tow.
Now, on the upside, the possum was out of the car… unfortunately, I was now the proud owner of 20 pounds of hissing meat at the end of a four foot stick. The spectators backed away quickly, choosing to watch the negotiations from a distance. They were brief. For those of you who have never tried something like this, I recommend that you get in shape first. After running around the car twice, I tripped over the 50 gallon drum and we tumbled to the ground. I landed with a thud, his landing was reminiscent of a grocery bag full of wet newspaper. The time had come for a deal. As I lay there, face to face with the angry possum, we reached an understanding… He would amble back to HIS oak pile, and I would purchase a load of walnut instead.
Hours later, as I sat at the gas station washing the stains out of my wife’s upholstery, I realize that she had been right. The inner city really was a dangerous place. I beat a hasty path back to Seaford… home of the country possum.
I got this in an e-mail quite a while ago. Since 95% of all my stuff has cat tracks on it, I thought it was appropriate.
Ok. Have you ever seen a cats eyes glow and flash in the light? Have you ever wondered where the writers of Stargate came up with the idea of glowing eyed aliens?? Have you ever thought your cat was trying to control you? Have you ever wondered why cat’s are SO independant?
It’s my theory that the writers of Stargate came up with the idea of for the Goa’uld when one of them had the pants scared off of them when they caught their cats eyes flash and glow in the pitch black. How many of us haven’t had the pants scared off of us by a cat’s eyes glowing and flashing? Come on, let’s be real. I think it’s how the Goa’uld came ino being.
I could be wrong.
Replicator from Ark of Truth
- Brown Adult Stink Bug
Ok, you tell me. Did the Stargate writers come up with the idea for the Replicators because they were busy fighting a loosing battle with Stink Bugs?
My girlfriend at work – Elaine H. came up with the idea that Replicators are actually Stink Bugs, only metal. Think about it. Stink Bugs are not native to the US. The came from China. So they are invaders from a land far, far away. Replicators – ditto. Once you get one Stink Bug in your house, you’d better start looking for more. They don’t just come in 1’s. Replicators – ditto. The Stink Bugs eat everything and move on. Replicators – ditto. And you just can’t seem to kill Stink Bugs. Hey and guess what – ditto on the Replicators. They even look a like!
So, my theory is Peter DeLuise or Martin Wood or someother writer/director/producer was waging war with Stink Bugs and the light bulb went on and the Replicatots were born. So what do you think? We’re crazy or not,
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From the Kitty Chronicles at 483 N Mill Rd
I’ve become Kitty Velcro. Or at least 1/2 of the Velcro. Houdini, or Velcro Butt (or just Cro) as I’ve taken to calling him these days, has become the other 1/2. Usually cat moods last for a day or 4 tops and they move onto the next mood. Laying in the same place for a couple of days, a week tops, and then getting another “favorite” place.
Well, Houdini’s favorite place at night is on me. And he likes skin. So when I lay on my left side he lays on my arm and I can wrap another arm around him. He will stay in that position until I move. If I roll over, he walks on me and goes to the other side. If I lay on my back, he lays on my chest and looks at me. I’ve taken to rolling him over with me so that he doesn’t walk on me. He gets the wide eyed “I don’t like this” kitty look while we are rolling and then he just settles down and stays put.
My cats are nuts.
This is from just your average guy who just happened to tape a landslide.
At that point it stopped being fun and it started being mess your trousers scary.
– Christopher Joosse, Raging Nature: Landslides.
Episode – When Elephants Attack
This is a show worth watching for elephant conservation.
Elephants are afraid of bees. It’s interesting. Then again the African Killer Bees are something of which to be afraid. One farm in Kenya or Tanzania was using a bee fence to keep the elephants from eating their crops. They had 86% less elephant damage than the farm next door that didn’t have a bee fence. The farm also did a test to show that the sound of bees (that wonderful elephant memory at work) causes the elephants to leave. And the older elephants thus teach the younger ones that this sound is bad – run away. The farm test bee buzzing and a white noise on the same frequency as the buzz. The white noise got no reaction from the elephants. Watch the episode, it’s at the end.
Because I deleted the episode from the DVR my names are all missing – sorry.
Fatal elephant attacks are on the rise in Africa and India. There are various theory’s at to why, but the one that Josh explores is poaching as the cause of elephant attacks. Elephants live very long lives and in such tight knit groups, when 1 is taken they mourn just like humans. It’s been documented that a herd of elephants will go back to the place where the elephant carcass is repeatedly. I didn’t know that. It’s known that elephants have a long memory. We can assign human feelings to the elephants – and why not – the experience mourning which implies a bonding and love. So if they can experience love, why not rage at the killing of their family? It’s one part of the theory that the baby’s are remembering the death of their Mom’s and are taking their rage out on human kind that killed Mom. Another part is the matriach is being killed and there is no strong leadership and so the elephants are deliquent – just like a kid that grows up with no parents.
There is a lady Dame something something that takes orphan baby elephants, most with behavioral problems, and rehabilitates, raises them, and then releases them to a herd. Because they’ve been raised by humans they won’t harbor the bad feelings from infancy. The remember the happy times growing up. It was interesting how the elephants at the reserve help the incoming babies adjust to their new life. Again… watch the program.
Then there was the rogue male elephant. He was scheduled for execution, but when the authorities saw he had a tracking device, they contacted the researchers to let them know that he in trouble. He had been breaking through electric fences and causing thousands of dollars of damage. He’s also been eating crops too. So because they could track this guy in real time, the researchers decided to see if they could use behavoir modification on him. So everytime he would go out of bounds a truck would show up and scare him back into the park area. Well, because the elephants have good memory and seemly good deductive skills – this dude put 2 and 2 together and got 4. Now he’s a well behaved mannerly elephant that doesn’t cause much damage.
The whole program was directed to the theory that poaching is the cause of the behavioral problems. It’s interesting theory, which is unfortunately very hard to prove. It makes sense logically. And its interesting to watch. But then again, I like Josh’s style.