Urgo: Please. Please don’t fight, I’m here, what’s the difference how? Look, I’m not going to make another noise, not a peep, nothing. I’m going to be quiet like a little tiny mouse, not a peep. Watch. [laughing] I got an idea. Why don’t we play a game? Some sort of a wonderful game? Uh, something with a dictionary. It’s so much fun. You know, you get a word and then, ha, you write what you think the word is. Oh, it’s a lot of laughs. [points to Colonel Jack O’Neill] And educational. It’s really nice. I think you’ll like it.
[O’Neill wearily puts his head back down on the table.]
Urgo
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Major Samantha Carter: Well, he can’t actually make us do anything we don’t want to, sir.
Dr. Janet Frasier: Then why did I have to treat your arm for a burn? Didn’t you say Urgo was responsible?
Urgo: I didn’t mean to!
Colonel Jack O’Neill/Sam/Dr. Daniel Jackson: [in unison] He didn’t mean to.
Teal’c: It was not his intention.
[The others all look at Teal’c. Urgo gives a thumbs up.]
General George Hammond: I trust I have made my point.
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Urgo: Turn me off?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [to Carter] Please.
Urgo: You’re wasting your time, it’s impossible. Hey, I got an idea, why don’t we play hide and seek? You hide, and I’ll…you know…I’m not going to cheat, you know, ’cause I have… [He covers his eyes] One, two, three, four…
General George Hammond: [to Carter]
Whatever you need, Major. Dismissed.
Urgo: Five, six…
Major Samantha Carter: Thank you.
[They all leave the room.]
Urgo: Seven, eight, nine, ten…ha, ha.
[Urgo uncovers his eyes and looks around for SG-1.]
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
[SG-1 are sitting at the table, with Hammond and Fraiser at one end and Urgo at the other. An airman stands guard behind him.]
Urgo: [singing] Me, me, me, me, me me me, me me, me, me, me me me. Me, me, me, me me me, me me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me… [goes low and then high] Me, me, me, me, me me me…
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [annoyed] Will you stop it?!
[Urgo shuts up. The Airman thinks O’Neill is talking to him, while Hammond and Fraiser look on in shock.]
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Urgo: Yes, as in dead. They’re going to kill you. They’ll open your brains with a big, giant can opener and then they scoop me out with a big scoopy thing. That’s how it works. It’s death or me. Me or death. You’ve got to decide. Me or death.
[No one answers.]
Urgo: Well?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: We’re thinking
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Mmmm, mineral survey. My favorite.
General George Hammond: Colonel.
Jack: I know, General. It’s all fun and games until someone breaks a nail.
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Major Samantha Carter: P4X 884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.
Teal’c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: A fool’s paradise is a wise man’s hell.
Jack: Never run with… scissors?
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [to General Hammond] Au revoir mon General.
Teal’c: I am unfamiliar with that term, O’Neill.
[They head up the ramp.]
Jack: Au revoir. It’s French. It means ciao. Ciao…means adios, auf weidersehen, sayonara, which all loosely translated means…
[They step through the Stargate.]
[SG-1 steps out of the Stargate back into the Gate room. Hammond and a group of armed soldiers are waiting at the bottom of the ramp, along with two MALPs.]
Jack: Goodbye?
General George Hammond: [to soldiers] Stand down.
[to SG-1] What happened?
Jack: [confused] What happened?
Hammond: That’s what I just asked you. Will someone please explain?
Major Samantha Carter: General, we just left. We went through the Gate and we came back…here.
Hammond: Major, you’ve been gone over fifteen hours.
[Carter looks shocked.]
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
General George S. Hammond: Can we determine what threat they pose?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Apparently all desserts on base are in grave danger.
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: No Urgo. We don’t like you.
Urgo: Admit it, tough guy. A smidgen?
Jack: No smidgen.
Urgo: I wouldn’t blame you, I have a lot of endearing qualities.
Teal’c: He will not cooperate O’Neill.
Urgo: Years from now, when you’re thinking about me, you’re going to say ‘How did I ever get along without that wonderful, constant companion?’ Woof.
Jack: Years from now?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Woof?