Colonel Jack O’Neill: No Urgo. We don’t like you.
Urgo: Admit it, tough guy. A smidgen?
Jack: No smidgen.
Urgo: I wouldn’t blame you, I have a lot of endearing qualities.
Teal’c: He will not cooperate O’Neill.
Urgo: Years from now, when you’re thinking about me, you’re going to say ‘How did I ever get along without that wonderful, constant companion?’ Woof.
Jack: Years from now?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Woof?
Teal'c
Stargate SG-1, Seth, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Jaffa jokes? Let’s hear one of them.
Teal’c: I shall attempt to translate one, O’Neill.
[Teal’c thinks]
Teal’c: I shall attempt to translate one, O’Neill. A Serpent Guard, a Horus Guard and a Setesh Guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent Guard’s eyes glow! The Horus Guard’s beak glistens! The Setesh Guard’s…nose drips.
[He starts laughing, but stops when none of the others joins in. There is a long, awkward moment.]
Stargate SG-1, Deadman Switch, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Teal’c, how fast will this unit fly?
Teal’c: I believe it is capable of traveling twice the speed of light.
Jack: Nice. Home for dinner.
Major Samantha Carter: Ah, sir, if you’re thinking of trying to steal the ship and fly it back to Earth, even at 372,000 miles per second, it would still take us at least ten years to get that far.
Jack: [pause] Shoulda let the dog out.
Stargate SG-1, The Serpent’s Lair, Quote
Master Bra’tac: The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then, taking our weapons, we must… [O’Neill pulls the pins on two hand-grenades and drops them into the shield generators, blowing them up.]
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Grenades.
Teal’c: This vessel is no longer protected by an energy field.
Captain Samantha Carter: So that’s it?
Teal’c: That is it.
Jack: I think what the Captain is asking is, “What now?”
Bra’tac: Now we die.
Jack: Well that’s a bad plan. Where are the glider bays from here?
Stargate SG-1, Message in a Bottle, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Teal’c, you don’t have to stick around.
Teal’c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Jack: Wild horses Teal’c it’s… that’s a joke. You told a joke. Don’t make me laugh.
Stargate SG-1, Bane, Quote
Ally: Hi!
Teal’c: [Grinning.] Greetings, Ally.
Ally: You’re okay.
Teal’c: [giving a slight nod] Thanks to you I am feeling much better.
Ally: Aw, man, it was no sweat. You look way better. I guess you can’t really tell me what happened…all that top-secret, James Bond stuff, right?
Teal’c: That is correct. To show my gratitude, I have brought you a new weapon.
[Teal’c holds up a huge Super-Soaker water gun, and Ally gasps, her eyes practically pop out of her head.]
Teal’c: One with increased range and firepower.
Ally: Wicked! This is so cool! Have any time to play?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, actually we …
[A large stream of water suddenly blasts Teal’c in the chest as Ally pulls the trigger on her new toy. Teal’c slowly looks down at the wet spot on his chest while a musing Daniel wipes a little water out of his own eye, which had been hit by some of the splash. Ally giggles and runs off.]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Guess we shouldn’t have loaded it, huh?
[Teal’c pulls out some sunglasses and puts them on, while Daniel wipes away more water on his face. Teal’c then turns to Daniel.]
Teal’c: How else would she defend herself?
[Teal’c then turns his water gun on Daniel and fires point-blank range into Daniel’s chest. Daniel gasps lightly at the shock of the cold water on his chest as Teal’c takes off down the hall after Ally.]
Daniel: How else?
[Daniel wipes his eye again, then pulls his tee-shirt away from his chest and flaps it rapidly, shaking out the water.]
Stargate SG-1, Thor’s Hammer, Quote
Teal’c: Are you considering the same tactic as I?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Teal’c, the clichè is “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” And the answer’s yes.
Stargate SG-1, Brocca Divide, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [from inside] Teal’c! Doc! Open the door! Teal’c!
Teal’c: [Opens the observation panel to a normal-looking O’Neill] Colonel O’Neill?
Jack: [mimicking Ricky Ricardo] Lucy, I’m home.
Teal’c: I am not Lucy.
Jack: I know that. It was a reference to an old TV… never mind, just open the door!
Teal’c: I will summon the doctor.
Jack: No, no, c’mon I’m fine, back to being myself. Just open up.
Teal’c: I cannot be certain you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as “Lucy.”
Jack: Oh for crying out loud, will you just open the door?
Stargate SG-1, Children of the Gods, Quote
[Teal’c drops his helmet to the floor in the empty holding room and looks at the dead Jaffa as O’Neill and Daniel help prisoners through the opening.]
Colonel Jack O’Neill: You going to be okay?
[Daniel pauses, nods, and leaves through the gap. O’Neill looks back to Teal’c.]
Jack: Hey, come on!
Teal’c: I have nowhere to go.
Jack: For this, you can stay at my place. Let’s go.
[Teal’c looks around, then joins O’Neill.]
Stargate SG-1, Within the Serpent’s Grasp, Quote
Teal’c: If the coordinates are for a Goa’uld world which is not on the Abydos cartouche, the Goa’uld will most likely not expect us. I believe a medical attack could be successful.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Surgical attack, Teal’c. It’s called a surgical attack, and I’d feel like an idiot.
Captain Samantha Carter: Sir?
Jack: I was answering Daniel’s question. If we don’t do something now, and they do attack later, I’d feel like an idiot. We go.