Colonel Jack O’Neill: I was sure that was an Asprin I took this morning.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack it’s really me. It’s me. You have to help. You have to find the Eye of Ra before Anubis does. I mean keep it, hide it, destroy it, whatever. It doesn’t matter. We don’t have much time.
Jack: Hey, Daniel. How you doin’? Long time. How are things in the higher planes?
[Daniel turns away from O’Neill, grimaces, then turns back.]
Daniel: Hey Jack, long time no see. H…h…h…how you doing?
Jack: Fine, just fine.
Daniel: The knees? The back? Everything’s…
Jack: Oh you know, kind of weather contingent actually.
Daniel: Right, right, right, right, so, what’s new?
Jack: Uhm…actually a funny thing happened to me, today. I’m riding an elevator and an old friend of mine, someone who never calls, never writes…
[Daniel rolls his eyes.]
Jack: …just shows up and tells me all about this very important and apparently urgent mission that needs my attention.
Daniel Jackson
Stargate SG-1, Abyss, Quote
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I’m not allowed to interfere.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: You’re interfering right now.
Daniel: No, I’m not.
Jack: Yes, you are.
Daniel: No, I’m not. I am consoling a friend.
Stargate SG-1, Red Sky, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: But we also saved your little grey butts from the Replicators, and now we want your help. I’m not asking you to change the course of their cultural development! Just fix the damn sun! No one’ll know. [waving his hand in front of him] We won’t tell.
Chief Archon: Unfortunately, we cannot.
Jack: Okay, at the risk of sounding like the petulant inferior race…why not?
[The Asgard talk amongst themselves in their own language.]
Dr Daniel Jackson: [worried] “Little Grey Butts.”
Major Samantha Carter: Yeah.
Stargate SG-1, Watergate, Quote
Dr. Svetlana Markov: We’re going to have to jump.
[Daniel looks at O’Neill, panicked.]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Out of the plane?
[Teal’c looks unsure and Major Carter closes her eyes at the thought.]
Svetlana: I’m going, with or without you, Colonel.
Colonel JackO’Neill: I suppose you expect my male bravado to kick in right about now?
Svetlana: I’ve read your file.
Stargate SG-1, The Other Side, Quote
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No…Their whole world is in flames, and we’re offering gasoline. How is that help?
Teal’c: We are in fact offering water.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Thank you.
Daniel Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.
Jack: Well, stop it. It’s not fair to Teal’c.
Stargate SG-1, The Other Side, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: You’ve got that look.
Teal’c: To which look are you referring, O’Neill?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The one that says, “I have misgivings about this mission, but deep down I know we’re doing the right thing”?
Jack: No, the other one.
Daniel: [surprised] Oh.
Stargate SG-1, Small Victories, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: I’d be happy to debrief you all after I’ve debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Major General George Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
Jack: [quietly to Daniel] Bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn’t gonna say anything.
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Major Samantha Carter: Well, he can’t actually make us do anything we don’t want to, sir.
Dr. Janet Frasier: Then why did I have to treat your arm for a burn? Didn’t you say Urgo was responsible?
Urgo: I didn’t mean to!
Colonel Jack O’Neill/Sam/Dr. Daniel Jackson: [in unison] He didn’t mean to.
Teal’c: It was not his intention.
[The others all look at Teal’c. Urgo gives a thumbs up.]
General George Hammond: I trust I have made my point.
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Major Samantha Carter: P4X 884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.
Teal’c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: A fool’s paradise is a wise man’s hell.
Jack: Never run with… scissors?
Stargate SG-1, Urgo, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: No Urgo. We don’t like you.
Urgo: Admit it, tough guy. A smidgen?
Jack: No smidgen.
Urgo: I wouldn’t blame you, I have a lot of endearing qualities.
Teal’c: He will not cooperate O’Neill.
Urgo: Years from now, when you’re thinking about me, you’re going to say ‘How did I ever get along without that wonderful, constant companion?’ Woof.
Jack: Years from now?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Woof?