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Stargate SG-1, Seth, Quote

Colonel Jack O’Neill: Jaffa jokes? Let’s hear one of them.
Teal’c: I shall attempt to translate one, O’Neill.
[Teal’c thinks]
Teal’c: I shall attempt to translate one, O’Neill. A Serpent Guard, a Horus Guard and a Setesh Guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent Guard’s eyes glow! The Horus Guard’s beak glistens! The Setesh Guard’s…nose drips.
[He starts laughing, but stops when none of the others joins in. There is a long, awkward moment.]

Stargate SG-1, Point of View, Quote

Colonel Jack O’Neill: [to Daniel] Alright, I gotta know.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [about the mirror] Yes, I’m about to activate it.
Jack: No, no, no, no. Not that. What the hell does ‘Kree’ mean?
Daniel: Well, actually, it means a lot of things.
Jack: Uh-huh.
Daniel: Loosely translated it means attention, listen up, concentrate…
Jack: Yoo-hoo?
Daniel: Yes, in a manner of speaking.

Stargate SG-1, Demons, Quote

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They… well, they – they’d drill a hole in the person’s head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Thus saving the person?
Daniel: Well, they didn’t call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

Stargate SG-1, Deadman Switch, Quote

Colonel Jack O’Neill: Teal’c, how fast will this unit fly?
Teal’c: I believe it is capable of traveling twice the speed of light.
Jack: Nice. Home for dinner.
Major Samantha Carter: Ah, sir, if you’re thinking of trying to steal the ship and fly it back to Earth, even at 372,000 miles per second, it would still take us at least ten years to get that far.
Jack: [pause] Shoulda let the dog out.

Stargate SG-1, The Serpent’s Lair, Quote

Master Bra’tac: The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then, taking our weapons, we must… [O’Neill pulls the pins on two hand-grenades and drops them into the shield generators, blowing them up.]
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Grenades.
Teal’c: This vessel is no longer protected by an energy field.
Captain Samantha Carter: So that’s it?
Teal’c: That is it.
Jack: I think what the Captain is asking is, “What now?”
Bra’tac: Now we die.
Jack: Well that’s a bad plan. Where are the glider bays from here?

Stargate SG-1, One False Step, Quote

Colonel Jack O’Neill: Well, I think you might be losing what’s left of your mind.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What’s that supposed to mean?
Jack: It means that on a good day you can be a little flaky.
Daniel: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending.
Jack: You’re obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference of opinion on how to handle a crisis.
Daniel: Oh please! We have a-a difference of opinion on just about everything!
Jack: Give me an example.
Daniel: U-u-u, I don’t know! Pick something! How – how about – how about mythology!
Jack: Rumors, lies, fairytales.
Daniel: [Daniel spins around bouncing animatedly waving his hands.] You see! See! See! See! See! See!
[Alien #1 toddles up to them, as Daniel starts yelling.]
Daniel: Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
Jack: [yelling] Maybe it is, what’s that got to do with filming a plant?
Daniel: [yelling] Exactly!
Jack: [yelling] What does that mean?!
Daniel: [yelling] I don’t know!
[Alien #1 looks from O’Neill to Daniel and back, blinking his confusion, he smiles at O’Neill and Daniel. O’Neill seems to realize they have crossed the line.]