Abby Sciuto: Y’know there’s a wide range of leathers other than your typical moo based ones.
NCIS
NCIS, Witch Hunt
Abby Sciuto: Yes, when I applied my own special and unique brand of chemical, ran it through the laser scanner a few times, we get… this. The miracle that separates us from all other primates. Really bad penmanship.
NCIS, Family Secret
Abby Sciuto: The fuel line to the gas tank cap was ruptured here. Torn by a loose belt on the differential housing.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibb: Loosened how
Abby: Unknown. The van also had a short in the electrical system. Coincidentally in the taillight right by our ruptured fuel line.
Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.
Abby: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs. So one would wonder… accident or not an accident? That is the question. Our first player… an innocent differential housing bolt that is rubbing and straining on the molecular bonds of our vulcanized fuel line. Until, after eons, our hapless hose finally ruptures. The gas moves quickly into the floorboard of the van when it’s in motion. The driver smells it… what could it be? He hits the brakes, and the short in the taillight ignites the pooling gas vapors! The flames quickly super-heat the onboard oh-two and when the canisters can no longer contain the growing pressure… KABOOM!
Gibbs: Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.
NCIS, Family Secret
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.
Abby Sciuto: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.
NCIS, Lost and Found
Abby Sciuto: Know what bugs me most, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: People who say they’re vegetarians but eat chicken.
NCIS, Doppelgänger
Abby Sciuto: It’s more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Special Agent Timothy McGee]
Abby: Well, have you ever eaten just one pistachio?
NCIS, My Other Left Foot
Abby Sciuto: This guy had huge feet. You could wear this sock as a leg warmer.
Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard: What are you implying, Abby?
Abby: I’m not implying anything. But you know what they say about guys with big hands and big feet, right?
Ducky: What?
Abby: They’re clowns.
NCIS, Deception
Abby Sciuto: Good morning, Men.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hi.
Abby: Reporting for duty as ordered, Sir!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wrong hand, Abs.
Abby: [switches hands] Sorry, Sir.
Gibbs: The call came in from a woman claiming she was abducted. Abby, I need an acoustical analysis of a tape.
Abby: Permission to speak freely, Sir.
Gibbs: You always speak freely, Abs.
Abby: I know. I just always wanted to say that. So where’s my tape?
Gibbs: On the way to your lab.
Abby: So am I. If I finish quickly, maybe I can get back to Habitat for Humanity. I’m doing a bunch of wiring for them this weekend.
Gibbs: We’ll see, Abby.
Abby: Thank you, Sir.
Gibbs: Don’t call me Sir.
Abby: Thank you, Ma’am. [Abby leaves, Gibbs smiles]
NCIS, Light Sleeper
[as Gibbs] Abby Sciuto: How long, Abby?
[as herself] Abby: Well it’s gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn’t smell very good, I don’t think laundry was a priority…
[as Gibbs] Abby: Abs!
[as herself] Abby: Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you’ll know something.
[as Gibbs] Abby: You got one! Anything else?
[as herself] Abby: Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you. [hands Gibbs a coffee] Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Abby: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands.
[as Gibbs] Abby: Just give me their names, Abs, and I’ll break ’em for you!
[as herself] Abby: I know you will, Gibbs. And that is why I love you.
[Gibbs gives her a kiss on the cheek]
[as herself] Abby: Well it’s gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn’t smell very good, I don’t think laundry was a priority…
[as Gibbs] Abby: Abs!
[as herself] Abby: Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you’ll know something.
[as Gibbs] Abby: You got one! Anything else?
[as herself] Abby: Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you. [hands Gibbs a coffee] Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Abby: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands.
[as Gibbs] Abby: Just give me their names, Abs, and I’ll break ’em for you!
[as herself] Abby: I know you will, Gibbs. And that is why I love you.
[Gibbs gives her a kiss on the cheek]
NCIS, Trojan Horse
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Scaletti’s laywers are desperate. They’re desperate. They’re like drowning men grasping…
Abby Sciuto: at thin polystyrene tubes?
Tim: I… I… was going to say straws, but I do like that idiom better.