Colonel Jack O’Neill: But we also saved your little grey butts from the Replicators, and now we want your help. I’m not asking you to change the course of their cultural development! Just fix the damn sun! No one’ll know. [waving his hand in front of him] We won’t tell.
Chief Archon: Unfortunately, we cannot.
Jack: Okay, at the risk of sounding like the petulant inferior race…why not?
[The Asgard talk amongst themselves in their own language.]
Dr Daniel Jackson: [worried] “Little Grey Butts.”
Major Samantha Carter: Yeah.
Stargate SG-1, Red Sky, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: I have great confidence in you Carter. Go on back to the SGC and… confuse Hammond.
Stargate SG-1, Ascension, Quote
[Major Carter answers the front door to find O’Neill and TEAL’C, in a cowboy hat, waiting for her.]
Major Samantha Carter: Hey guys, what are you doing here?
Colonel Jack O’Neill: We brought pizza and a movie.
Teal’c: Star Wars.
Jack: He’s seen it, what? Eight times?
Teal’c: Nine.
Jack: Nine times. If Teal’c likes it, it’s gotta be okay.
Sam: You’ve never seen Star Wars?
Jack: Well, you know me and sci-fi.
Stargate SG-1, Watergate, Quote
Dr. Svetlana Markov: We’re going to have to jump.
[Daniel looks at O’Neill, panicked.]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Out of the plane?
[Teal’c looks unsure and Major Carter closes her eyes at the thought.]
Svetlana: I’m going, with or without you, Colonel.
Colonel JackO’Neill: I suppose you expect my male bravado to kick in right about now?
Svetlana: I’ve read your file.
Stargate SG-1, Watergate, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [finding Maybourne in the freezer] Holy frozen bad guys.
Stargate SG-1, The Other Side, Quote
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No…Their whole world is in flames, and we’re offering gasoline. How is that help?
Teal’c: We are in fact offering water.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Thank you.
Daniel Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.
Jack: Well, stop it. It’s not fair to Teal’c.
Stargate SG-1, The Other Side, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: You’ve got that look.
Teal’c: To which look are you referring, O’Neill?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The one that says, “I have misgivings about this mission, but deep down I know we’re doing the right thing”?
Jack: No, the other one.
Daniel: [surprised] Oh.
Stargate SG-1, Small Victories, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: I’d be happy to debrief you all after I’ve debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.
Major General George Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.
Jack: [quietly to Daniel] Bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn’t gonna say anything.
Stargate SG-1, Small Victories, Quote
Colonel Jack O’Neill: Where’s the fanfare, General?
Major Samantha Carter: We did kind of save the planet, sir.
Jack: Again. This should not get old, General.
Stargate SG-1, The Curse, Quote
[Colonel O’Neill is sitting fishing. Teal’c is standing next to him staring at a rod.]
Teal’c: There appears to be no fish here, O’Neill.
Colonel Jack O’Neill: T, it’s not about the actual fish, themselves. Fish are not important in this context. It’s about fish-ing, the act of fishing itself.
Teal’c: I see.
[Sound of a cell phone ringing. O’Neill looks around.]
Colonel Jack O’Neill: You didn’t?
Teal’c: By request of General Hammond.
[O’Neill reaches around into a bag behind him and picks out the phone. He answers it.]
Colonel Jack O’Neill: [mutters] No way.
[Teal’c slaps a mosquito as Jack answers phone shouting]
Jack: What?
Jack: [calmer] Yes Daniel, he’s right here. Please hold. [hands the phone to Teal’c]
Teal’c: Daniel Jackson. We have caught nothing. We are fishing.