Abby Sciuto: Y’know there’s a wide range of leathers other than your typical moo based ones.

Abby Sciuto: Yes, when I applied my own special and unique brand of chemical, ran it through the laser scanner a few times, we get… this.  The miracle that separates us from all other primates.  Really bad penmanship.

Abby Sciuto: The fuel line to the gas tank cap was ruptured here.  Torn by a loose belt on the differential housing.    

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Loosened how?    

Abby: Unknown.  The van also had a short in the electrical system.  Coincidentally in the taillight right by our ruptured fuel line.    

Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.    

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.

Abby Sciuto: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.

Abby Sciuto: Know what bugs me most, McGee?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: People who say they’re vegetarians but eat chicken.

Abby Sciuto: It’s more addictive than pistachios.

[Odd looks from Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Special Agent Timothy McGee]

Abby: Well, have you ever eaten just one pistachio?

Abby Sciuto: This guy had huge feet. You could wear this sock as a leg warmer.

Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard: What are you implying, Abby?

Abby: I’m not implying anything. But you know what they say about guys with big hands and big feet, right?

Ducky: What?

Abby: They’re clowns.

Abby Sciuto: Good morning, Men.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hi.

Abby: Reporting for duty as ordered, Sir!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wrong hand, Abs.

Abby: [switches hands] Sorry, Sir.

Gibbs: The call came in from a woman claiming she was abducted.  Abby, I need an acoustical analysis of a tape.

Abby: Permission to speak freely, Sir.

Gibbs: You always speak freely, Abs.

Abby: I know.  I just always wanted to say that.  So where’s my tape?

Gibbs: On the way to your lab.

[as Gibbs] Abby Sciuto: How long, Abby?

[as herself] Abby: Well it’s gonna take some time. And since this stuff doesn’t smell very good, I don’t think laundry was a priority…

[as Gibbs] Abby: Abs!

[as herself] Abby: Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you’ll know something.

[as Gibbs] Abby: You got one! Anything else?

[as herself] Abby: Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you.

[hands Gibbs a coffee]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Scaletti’s laywers are desperate. They’re desperate. They’re like drowning men grasping…
Abby Sciuto: at thin polystyrene tubes?
Timothy: I… I… was going to say straws, but I do like that idiom better.