My Mama would say, “It’d make your tongue slap your gums out.”
-Dinner Impossible, The British Cowboy: Cattle Drive: Impossible

It is known that there is an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the product of a deranged imagination.
Douglas Adams
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

There is an art, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in Life, the Universe, and Everything

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
Douglas Adams
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Chapter 29
This is an important announcement. This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark.
Douglas Adams
So Long and Thanks For All The Fish

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams
Mostly Harmless

Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.
Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Douglas Adams,
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Douglas Adams
Hitchiker’s Quide to the Galaxy